Nat's Twisted Tales
by Himitsu Natsume
Summary: Back up by Riko Kirei Kiri's evil demand. And I'm a softy. *makes chair noises at Riko*
1. Note

NOTE:

Here we go! Putting these together to be all happy and stuff! Maybe I'll add more twisted tales later. Anyhow, these are kiddy tales we all know and love, made to be sick. Thank you! Oh, if the offend you, don't read. Kind of like how I don't like NC-17 Slash fics, so I don't read them, if this bothers you because it has 'gay-bashing' (which it was never my intention for it to sound like, but some people seem to think so) then don't read it. Okay? Good!

CONTENTS:

1) This page, yo!  
2) Goldilocks & the Three Guys  
3) Steve, Greg, and Sam

Happy Birthday Riko!


	2. Goldilocks and the Three Guys

Goldilocks And The Three Guys

Once upon a time, there were three guys who lived in a little house in San Francisco. There was a great big burly guy; there was a middle-sized cross-dressing guy; and there was a wee little fairy guy.

One day, the middle-sized cross-dressing guy made a big batch of delicious chocolate dipped strawberries for... later. He/She filled a great big bowl for the great big burly guy, a middle-sized bowl for him/herself, and a wee little bowl for the wee little fairy guy. But no one was interested in eating at the moment. They all wanted to go watch gay-porno films at a certain theatre. So out they went, leaving the three bowls of strawberries on the table.

While the three guys were at the theatre, a teenage girl named "Goldilocks" (darn she had weird parents!) and her "boyfriend" named "Chris" came to the house. Goldilocks knocked at the door (she had seen the middle-sized cross-dressing guy before, and thinking he was actually female wanted to "meet" him), but of course, no one answered because they were at a gay-porno film. So Goldilocks opened the door, which was a very naughty thing to do (at least to most of us it seems naughty, but this Goldilocks was a very naughty girl so she didn't give a damn), and walked in, with Chris following behind.

There they saw the three bowls of chocolate dipped strawberries waiting on the table, and suddenly she was very horny. So she grabbed Chris and threw her/him on the table and... *cut to later scene*

The bowls of chocolate dipped strawberries were spilled all over the table and the floor, and many of them squashed into jelly. Goldilocks and Chris were putting their clothes back on, when Goldilocks decided she needed a place to sit down. So went into the next room where there was a love seat. She and Chris sat down and sure enough, it's time again to cut to a later scene! (gotta keep this PG-13 rated people!)

The love seat was now in total disarray, with the pillows strewn all over the room as well as some shreds of clothing. As Goldilocks and Chris were putting what remained of their clothing back on, Goldilocks decided that she now needed to lie down. So up the stairs they went, and found a room with one great big bed in it. Sure enough, we once again must cut and go to a different scene!

By this time, the three guys had finished watching gay-porno films and... doing whatever else they were doing, and were on their way back home. No sooner had the great big burly guy walked into the house than he let out a girl-like scream. "Someone squashed my strawberries! Damnit!" He said, once again speaking in his big burly sounding voice.  "Someone screwed up all the work I went to!" said the middle-sized cross-dressing guy in his/her medium-sized poorly done female voice. "Someone squashed my strawberries too," said the wee little fairy-like guy in his wee little fairy-like voice, "and they squashed all of them!" The big bury guy turned to the wee fairy-like guy "Stupid, they're ALL squashed!"

Puzzled, the three guys went to the next room to sit down on their love seat to think things over. But when they got there, the love seat was a total mess and clothing shreds were strewn about the room. "Someone's been screwing on my love seat!" said the great big burly guy in his great big burly voice. The medium-sized cross-dressing guy threw up his/her hands in surprise "Without me?!" he/she said in his/her medium-sized poorly done female voice. At that the wee little fairy-like guy burst into tears. "Someone has been screwing on my love seat and they did it without me!" he said in his wee little fairly-like voice "And lookit the mess they made! It musta been fun!"

The great big burly guy took one look at the love seat and stamped off up the stairs, followed by the middle-sized cross-dressing guy, and the wee little fairy-like guy. 

In the bedroom the great big burly guy let out another rather girl-like scream. "Someone has been mussing up my bed," he said in his once again big burly voice. "Someone has been screwing in my bed!" the medium-sized cross-dressing guy said in his/her middle-sized poorly done female voice. "First off, we all share the same bed," began the wee little fairy-like guy, "Secondly, someone was not screwed in it, someone is BEING screwed in it. But sadly, their both female." Sure enough, there were Goldilocks and Chris... Rather busy and not really noticing anything going on around them. But the wee little fairy-like guy's voice distracted them at last. Goldilocks' and Chris' eyes widened in surprise as they took a closer look at the medium-sized cross-dressing guy. "Holy crap! You're male?!" Goldilocks exclaimed. "Uh, yeah... I guess..." replied the medium-sized cross-dressing guy in his medium-sized poorly done female voice. "ARG! Well you suck!" Goldilocks screeched and dragged Chris out of the house and down the street (neither was dressed...). And never again did Goldilocks or Chris wander near the three guys' house in San Francisco. 


	3. Steve, Greg, and Sam

**_Note: This is meant to be FUNNY. It is not intended to insult or offend anyone. I'm sorry if it does, but it was not my intention to do so!_**

****

**_Steve, Greg, and Sam_**

**_I am Gay  
Gay I am. _**

That Gay-I-am!  
That Gay-I-am!  
I do not like that Gay-I-am! 

**_Do you like Steve, Greg, and Sam? _****__**

I do not like them, Gay-I-am.  
I do not like Steve, Greg, and Sam. 

**_Would you screw them here or there? _****__**

I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere.  
I will not screw Steve, Greg, and Sam.  
I will not screw them Gay-I-am. 

**_Would you screw them in a house?  
Would you screw them with a mouse? _****__**

I will not screw them in a house.  
I will not screw them with a mouse.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere.  
I will not screw Steve, Greg, and Sam.  
I will not screw them Gay-I-am. 

**_Would you screw them in a box?  
Would you screw them with a fox? _****__**

Not in a box.  
Not with a fox.  
Not in a house.  
Not with a mouse.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere.  
I will not screw Steve, Greg, and Sam.  
I will not screw them Gay-I-am. 

**_Would you? Could you? In a car?  
Screw them! Screw them! Here they are. _****__**

I would not, could not, in a car. 

**_You may like them.  
You will see. You may like them in a tree! _****__**

I would not, could not in a tree.  
Not in a car! You let me be. 

I will not screw them in a box.  
I will not screw them with a fox.  
I will not screw them in a house.  
I will not screw them with a mouse.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere.  
I will not screw Steve, Greg, and Sam.  
I will not screw them Gay-I-am. 

**_A train! A train!  
A train! A train!  
Could you, would you, on a train? _****__**

Not on a train! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! Gay! Let me be! 

I would not, could not, in a box.  
I would not, could not, with a fox.  
I will not screw them with a mouse.  
I will not screw them in a house.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere.  
I will not screw Steve, Greg, and Sam.  
I will not screw them Gay-I-am. 

**_Say!  
In the dark?  
Here in the dark!  
Would you, could you, in the dark? _****__**

I would not, could not, in the dark. 

**_Would you, could you, in the rain? _****__**

I would not, could not, in the rain.  
Not in the dark. Not on a train.  
Not in a car. Not in a tree.  
I will not screw them, Gay, you see.  
Not in a house. Not in a box.  
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them anywhere! 

**_You do not like Steve, Greg and Sam? _******

I do not like them Gay-I-am. 

**_Could you, would you, with a goat? _****__**

I would not, could not, with a goat! 

**_Would you, could you, on a boat? _****__**

I could not, would not, on a boat.  
I will not, will not, with a goat.  
I will not screw them in the rain.  
I will not screw them on a train.  
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! You let me be!  
I will not screw them in a box.  
I will not screw them with a fox.  
I will not screw them in a house.  
I will not screw them with a mouse.  
I will not screw them here or there.  
I will not screw them ANYWHERE!  
I do not like Steve, Greg, and Sam!  
I do not like them Gay-I-am. 

**_You do not like them.  
So you say.  
Try them! Try them!  
And you may.  
Try them and you may, I say. _****__**

Gay! If you will let me be, I will try them.  
You will see. 

Say! I like Steve, Greg, and Sam!  
I do! I like them, Gay-I-am!  
And I would screw them in a boat.  
And I would screw them with a goat…  
And I will screw them in the rain.  
And in the dark. And on a train.  
And in a car. And in a tree.  
They are so good, so good, you see! 

So I will screw them in a box.  
And I will screw them with a fox.  
And I will screw them in a house.  
And I will screw them with a mouse.  
And I will screw them here and there.  
Say! I will screw them ANYWHERE! 

I do so like Steve, Greg, and Sam!  
Thank you!  
Thank you,  
Gay-I-am! 

**The End**


End file.
